..

Wow. One year ago I said “I do!” (and I said it quite loudly) in front of a handful of family members and friends outside in a backyard overlooking a golf course and a beautiful canyon in Flower Mound.

Where has the time gone?

I remember before I got married (and even for a little while right after) many people telling me to take heart and be prepared that the first year of marriage is the hardest.

I’m happy to tell you that I have no idea what they were talking about.

This first year had many changes (including perhaps the biggest one of uprooting and moving to the East coast) and it had some challenges too, but nothing that would merit it being an unusually hard year.  Hubs and I both got married later than the majority of our friends, but I think this made our first year better. Yes, in some ways we were more stubborn and set in our ways, but we were also more mature and able to handle those differences and learn to compromise.  We also have the unique gift (although sometimes it’s hard to remind myself that it is a gift) of my husband’s job in the military that does separate us from time to time; it is a gift because it allows us to cherish the time we have together.  This is a practice we really mastered when my hubs went on an 8 month deployment overseas during our engagement.  We have an appreciation for quality time and enjoying the blessings God has bestowed upon us.

Considering all that, I have made a list of my top 10 memories/lessons from the first year of marriage:

1. A trip to French Polynesia is worth every single penny (I might add that it takes a wealth of pennies to get there.  Also don’t go on borrowed pennies because no vacation is worth going in to debt for!)
2. The best time to get sick and be at your worst just might be during your honeymoon.  I contracted MRSA on our honeymoon and was so sick during our last day there – it was nice that my hubs still had his vows fresh in his mind and so putting to practice “in sickness and in health” turned out to be easy (or at least he made it seem that way).
3. If you plan on moving cross country (and you want help) you should probably pack your stuff up before the help gets there.  You should also probably not wait until 6pm to get on the road.
4. Despite how obvious we think our non-verbal communication is, men still need us to spell things out for them.  Read: if you want help, ask them; this took me a couple of aggravated moments to figure out, but now that I know it makes things so much less annoying.  It still boggles my mind, but men do not think or see the world the way women do.
5. Speaking in love promotes more speaking in love.  Hubs and I realize that when one of us is submitting to the Lord and respecting the other, it is so easy to follow suite.  If we speak kind, encouraging words to each other, that makes it easier to respond in the same manner.  The same is true for negative, discouraging words; we choose to edify one another and speak truth in LOVE.
6. Home is where your husband is.  Leaving “home” in Texas to move to Florida with hubs was a hard thing to do, but ultimately my home is wherever in the world he is.
7. Comparison kills contentment. Thank goodness I actually learned this before I got married!  Many people offered up advice and tips about marriage and other things before I was married, but the truth is that every relationship is unique and what works for some people may not work for you. Be cautious when listening to advice from others, take it for what it is but remember that ultimately the only person you need to seek advice from and follow 100% is God.
8. Communication. Communication. Communication! As annoying as it might seem at first, I don’t think you can over communicate.  When you are married and getting used to life with your spouse it can be challenging, especially if, like me, you lived alone before getting married.  Hubs and I have had to have several discussions on our communication styles and preferences. Take heart because this is something we are still working on, and I suspect this will be the case for a while, not just for us, but for any couple that actually communicates.
9. Do whatever it takes to get on the same page financially.  We had heard the statistic that the number one reason for divorce among any couple is finances.  When hubs and I got married we both had debt, but we were on the same page about getting out of debt.  Within the first 7 months of marriage we decided to take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (offered through our church) and using those principles we became debt free just 9 months* in to our marriage! Praise God! The class helped us talk about money and develop a plan together that we could both stick to.  After setting the foundation for our financial plan, having money talks is a lot easier now! *I had been working on Dave’s Baby Steps for about 5 years and so with the help of that, plus some generous gifts and bonuses from work, we were able to pay off the remainder of the debt we had when we got married.  The debt we paid off after marriage was close to $30,000; before that I had paid off close to $50,000 on my own.
10. Give and serve together.  Few things have brought us more joy than being able to bless others with what we have been blessed with.  Whether that be two fully functioning feet to get someone a plate of food, to affording a home with a kitchen and an oven so we can cook things we can share with others who don’t have a kitchen, to blessing a new family financially because we have more than enough.  When you give of your time, money, strength, love, etc. and you do it with your spouse you satisfy something deep in your soul that makes your bond even stronger.  Hubs and I love our time together, but what we love even more is using our time together to serve others and ultimately to show them the love of Christ that He has poured out on to us so that we can pour out to others.

Happy Anniversary, hubs! Here’s to hoping God blesses us with many, many more to come…