I was watching TV the other night and I noticed a pet food commercial.
Wild Alaskan Salmon
Pure, Organic White Chicken Breast
Shrimp and Sea Bass
Tender Pork Loin
What? Is this a commercial for a four star restaurant or for food from a can to feed to an animal???
And why does animal food sound so much more appetizing and mouth watering than what I can afford to eat? Are people’s cat’s and dog’s really eating better than me?
I remember the day my mom brought Kitty home. She was so tiny, and she was all white. My brother and I instantly loved her. What kid wouldn’t love an animal that rivaled all stuffed animals? We immediately began testing out names on her – snowball, snowflake, snow white…I guess “snow(insert any noun here)” seemed to be a popular choice when you are trying to name an all white animal. We pretty much changed her name every two days – and then we left for the summer to visit my dad. When we came back we began calling her by one (or more) of the many names we had donned her with, but she’d never respond. Then my mom would say, “Here Kitty!” and the cat would come running. What mom? Why does she answer to that? That’s not her name!
“Well I couldn’t remember what you two decided to call her, so I just started calling her Kitty.”
“Moooooooooooooooom. Uhhh, now she only answers to that!”
“Well sorry, I guess that’s her name.”
And that was that, Ms. Kitty was her name. I found it ironic that my mom got a pet cat considering she’s allergic to cats, and apparently so am I, but nonetheless, we kept her!
So one night after watching too many scary TV shows, and thinking a little too long about things/people that could be hiding under my bed, I nervously went in to my bedroom and sat on my bed. Trying to be brave and convince myself that there was nothing to be scared of, I let my legs dangle over the edge of the bed. All of a sudden I felt something grab my leg! My heart jumped out of my chest and I squealed. I immediately jerked my leg up and thought, “How am I going to escape? What is under there? AM I GOING TO DIE?!?!?!”
I wanted so badly to know what was attacking me, but I was scared stiff. Thinking that perhaps I had hallucinated the whole incident, I talked myself into calming down and putting my legs over the edge of my bed again – even though every nerve in my body was screaming, “NO, Don’t DO IT!”
I did it.
And I was grabbed again!
This time however, I jumped off the bed and across the room. I had to confront my attacker. I quickly crept down and glanced under my bed, trying to catch the culprit off guard.
I looked under there and who was staring me back in the eye with what I swear was a smile on her face?
Ms. Kitty.
She was taunting me.
And I was scared.
And that’s why I hate cats.
{Well, I don’t totally hate cats, but I am not a big fan.}
I love Man vs. Wild. Perhaps because I relate to men emotionally – I think like a man. Or maybe because I’m wild. It doesn’t matter why, it just is. Today I spent all day with the TV on and I watched a Bear Grylls marathon. I think they were gearing up for tonight’s new episodes. (Yay!)
While I was watching Man vs. Wild all day I realized Bear has some very valuable lessons to teach us, the general public – of which about 99.999%, wait, make that 100% of us will NEVER be in the situations he’s in. Yet still I enjoy his survival lessons and listen with great intent just in case…
Here are the top 7 lessons I learned from Bear Grylls:
1. I need to carry a knife, a canteen (or water bottle) and flint with me. Everywhere. I. Go. You know…just in case.
2. Perhaps my outfits could be revised to consist of khakis with built in padding, button down shirts and tennis shoes. I also might wanna wear skivvies I wouldn’t mind being caught dead in. Because on some of these occasions, let’s face it – I would DIE. And if my corpse were to be found, I’d be quite embarrassed if I happened to be wearing undergarments that were worn and tattered. Not that I have any that fit that description. I’m just saying…
3. I should brush up on my British accent. If I’m going to declare I’m about to squeeze buffalo dung to extract water from it to drink – it just sounds so much classier if I say it in a British accent. Doesn’t everything sound better when the Brit’s say it?
4. Two main elements of survival are staying hydrated and getting “quick bursts of protein.” This will require me to be willing to drink anything, even my own pee, to stay hydrated. Though Bear warns that this, and giving yourself an enema, are only to be done in extreme cases of survival. Isn’t any case of survival extreme? I also have to get over my fear of snakes and worms – as these are probably his most common choices for bursts of protein. Maybe I’ll just keep that water bottle I’ll be carrying full, and pack a protein bar in my padded khaki pants while I’m at it…
5. One man’s trash is a survivor’s treasure. But who would’ve known a week old rotting animal carcass was a treasure? Just goes to show you never know. Turns out he used it for shelter over night to wrap up in and keep warm in the dessert. I’d personally prefer my electric blanket, except I’d be hard pressed to find an outlet.
6. When Bear is cold and at risk for his body temp getting too low, he offers a solution: do 200 push ups. At about this time I’d just die of hypothermia because this is impossible for me to do. Would violently shivering for 200 minutes accomplish the same thing? Because that, I could do.
7. After surviving the Chihuahua mountains of West Texas, Bear has one final comment: Don’t Mess With Texas. Finally, something we completely agree on! His top moment while in Texas? “Spotting the border police…” Me too Bear, me too.
Thomas and I decided we want to do a candy bar at the wedding. We want to offer sweet treats to our guests because (1) I {heart} desserts so it totally suits us and (2) who doesn’t like candy???
To serve the candy we’ve decided to use an assortment of apothecary jars because they are fun and vintage-ish and we like fun vintage things! The search for economically priced jars however, has not been so fun. Or vintage-ish.
Luckily for me there are several Hobby Lobby’s within driving distance from me AND Hobby Lobby LOVES having sales. Every week they have a sale and in a given month I can count on at least one week of that month having decorative glass items on sale for 50% off. Yes, Hobby Lobby is generous. And that is only one reason I love Hobby Lobby! However, I digress. Here are the jars I have collected so far (I only have one or two more to buy):
In addition to the jars, I also came across some cute little bright green vases that I simply could not pass up! Green is our accent color so we are going to use these vases as accents on the dessert bar. I picked them up for $2 (they were half off at yep, you guessed it – Hobby Lobby)!
And the cherry on top? Well it would have to be this cute little mini cake stand I snagged for $5. I’m still not 100% sure what we will serve on the mini cake stand, but it goes well with the theme and if I can’t use it I can just return it!
What do you think I should put on it? Swiss cake rolls? A mini cheesecake? Napkins?
