..

My purse gains weight easily.  It’s like a chronic yo-yo dieter; following the trends of weight throughout the year.

In the new year it starts out all concise and pared down, but by spring it has gained a few pounds. It usually lightens up again around Spring Break and then in the summer (when it should be it’s leanest) it’s actually quite heavy. I try to disguise it by using a “tote bag” as a purse, but we all know it’s because my crap can’t fit in my little purses.  By fall the weight has settled in and has become comfortable. By Christmas – it vows to start over again. And so the cycle goes.

Considering the approaching new year – I decided to do a little inventory of my purse. Here’s what I found:

6 crisp $1 bills

My hotel key card from my trip to Cancun

Travel-sized toothbrush and toothpaste

Chewable cherry Rolaids

$6 pesos

Neon green Ultra Fine Sharpie mini marker

Magenta Sharpie Ultra Fine Point marker

Blue Pilot V Razor Point Extra Fine pen

Trial-sized Murad T-Zone Pore Refining Gel (I haven’t tried it yet)

C.O. Bigelow Lip Formula SPF 30

My wallet

2 planners (one from 2008 and one for 2009)

Bulletin from church

Rice Milk and Vanilla lotion

A hot pink Bible

Travel pack of Kleenex

Best Buy gift card

Seagate external hard drive

First generation iPod shuffle

iPod car charger

Black calligraphy pen

Bath&Body Works Rain Kissed Leaves lotion

Car/house keys

3 Imodium Multi-Symptom chewable tablets

Pink plastic pencil pouch filled with receipts

Accomplish/Goal Pad (Christmas gift from Jes)

2 brown hair rubber bands

My new Canon camera and it’s polka dotted case

my iPod Touch and earphones

The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella

On Writing by Stephen King

Peanut butter crackers

A bottle of Ozarka water

1 packet of Crystal Light’s Green Tea with Raspberry

Nivea’s A Kiss of Protection lip balm

Chanel Lip Color/Gloss Duo stick

Orbit gum in Cinnamint

Bobby pins

Nail clippers

Neutrogena Dry Touch Sunblock SPF 55

Notepad

Sassy earrings

Dark nail polish

Some unidentified crumbs

and a straw wrapper – because, by golly my car’s interior will not be dirty! (but apparently my purse will!)

This week I am dogsitting for a neighbor and so walking a dog has become an actvity for me. This morning was especially beautiful, so I grabbed the dog’s leash and said – “Let’s go!”

While walking through our neighborhood (which coincidentally has NO sidewalks) I encouraged the dog to walk in the grass. In one particular area there was a sort of ditch filled with leaves. The dog enjoyed running and crunching through the leaves, as did I.  But something caught his eye. Or rather – his nose.

He became very interested in a part of the leaf pile and I immediately hoped thought it was going to be something grotesqe – like a finger or hand. I know, I know – too much tv! Anyhow he started to “nibble” the spot so I shooed him away and used my boot to kick the leaves away.

I saw something green. Oh, great. It’s a finger that’s been decomposing and now it’s green!!!!! I kicked away some more leaves and uncovered more of the long, finger-like green shape. Eventually I uncovered what I exposed to be a pickle. Yes, a full green pickle.
Not the baby gershin kind, nor the big kind you can buy at ball games – but a regular, green, bumpy pickle. Odd.

I couldn’t help but conjure up stories of how it got there – perhaps someone threw a jar of pickes in the trash and it happened to fall out of the bag and roll in to the ditch? Not likely.

Maybe someone had it in a napkin and was going to eat it while they walked there dog, but dropped it before they could take a bite? Maybe.

What do you think? How did a fully intact pickle end up buried in a pile of leaves in a shallow ditch on a side of the road where there are no houses?

1. Washing the dishes. I have no problem putting dishes into a dishwasher, but if I don’t have a dishwasher I seem to never wash my dishes. In fact, I have been known to let them sit for so long I have grown prize-winning science experiments in them. After which I bring them over to Mrs. M’s house and put them in one of her 2 dishwashers to “sanitize them” as I explain it to her.
2. Emptying the bathroom trashcan. I don’t know why this is so hard for me to do – especially since I reside in a space of only about 500 square feet. For some reason I would rather squish, cram and stuff the trash down in the bathroom than actually remove the bag and dispose of it.
3. Making my bed. Sorry, but this one act seems pointless to me. Why make it if I am going to get right back in it? I am not usually at my house except for sleeping, so it seems useless to make a bed I don’t see all day.  I’ve even gone to such lengths as rearranging my house so you can’t see the bed when you walk in! I also have been known to make my bed and then sleep ON TOP of the covers (to give the illusion that I made it). But I think that doesn’t work as well as I imagine because the top is always flat and disheveled. Not to mention I have unfolded blankets on top of the bed – proof that I was never under the covers.

There it is – my dirty laundry so to speak. Except laundry is one of the things I actually do keep up with…most of the time.