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I ran across this on the Internet and actually found it quite humorous. I hope you do too.  (My comments are in bold parentheses):

“Ok, i work for a cell phone company (who shall remain nameless) and i must say this job is a stressful job. I cant tell you how many times ive had to dodge accessories being thrown at me and people yelling at me when they dont get their way. This is a retail enviroment, i understand that the customer “comes first”(Really, because if I read on, your attitude does not really imply that you believe this. See my examples following…) but I feel the need to stress to the customers that go into a store that the person who is behind that counter is only doing their job…..the way they were trained…..and is limited to what they can and cannot do. There is ABSOLUTELY no need to raise your voice; throw accessories (or anything for that matter); or threaten them in any shape or form (we will cut off your service with us and bar you from ever signing up with us again if this happens).

With all of that being said, i feel the need to make a neat little list of things you DO NOT say/do when going into a cell phone store for help……..enjoy:

1. Dont come in all heated and mad….this will get you no where.

2. Dont come in and lie flat out to our faces. If you dropped your phone or exposed it to water, tell us. Speaking from personal experience, im more open to helping a honest customer rather then someone who thinks they can pull a fast one past me.

3. We dont care how long you have been a customer of ours. (So customer loyalty is not a concern for you? Obviously it is, because otherwise you wouldn’t make me RESIGN a 2 (soon to be 5) year agreement every time I come in with a question!) This information doesnt even play a roll in what options we have open for you. Just because you dont get your way doesnt mean you can threaten us by saying “Ive been a customer for 5+ years, if you dont help me then im just going to go to another service provider”. This is a complete turn off and i will not go out of my way to help you at this point. This is when I stick to company policy and you will not see me move one bit.

4. Insurance is HIGHLY recoomended (If it’s so highly recommended (p.s. you spelled it wrong), then why isn’t it included for an introductory period to show how valuable it really is. Hmmm…demos of a service? Now that’s a brilliant marketing idea!) …..the sales reps do not make a single penny off of the sale of insurance. We push this just so it protects us (and you) from headaches in the future. If you opt not to get it, then that is a risk you need to be willing to take. If you are stuck in a contract and cant upgrade when your phone gets stolen or damaged, DO NOT get pissed at us since YOU didnt sign up for the protection.

5. PLEASE READ YOUR BILL EVERY MONTH. We make mistakes from time to time, ill admit it. If you see an error, bring it to the attention of an employee via the store or customer service number. DO NOT get all pissy…..even if it is our fault keep in mind that the person who is helping you didnt do the error and that they will try their best to help you out. (Don’t tell me you would not get “all pissy” if for THREE MONTHS IN A ROW you were CHARGED in EXCESS of $600 because you happened to share the same last name as someone who didn’t pay their bill.  REALLY? THREE TIMES IN A ROW you ACCIDENTALLY CREDITED SOMEONE ELSE’S ACCOUNT AND THEN THREATENED ME WITH CANCELLATION AND DEACTIVATION? Yeah, let me draft $1800 from your CHECKING account and then expect you to approach me calmly after you’ve tried (to no avail) to talk to someone over the phone to correct the issue. HEY – YOU SIGNED UP for the job – you know what comes with it!)

6. DO NOT yell at an employee because your phone is lacking a feature you want. Its not their fault that Motorola didnt add a speaker phone as an option to the unit you have. These kind of complaints drive us nuts (this is SO not a “customer is always right” mentality. YOU LIAR! YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!)

7. Please…..for the love of god……DO NOT show up to our stores two minutes before closing. This just sucks…..granted, we work in retail and this sort of thing happens. If you must show up at this time, PLEASE have an idea of what you want. Just because you made it in before the door closes it doesnt mean that you can spend the next two and half hours looking around. (Dude, I’m the customer.You chose to work in retail. Suck it up. The club/liquor store will still be open at 11pm, so don’t get your undies in a wad and CHILL OUT!)

8. If you bring your children with you, please try to keep them under control. Dont just let them run around the store, pulling things off the walls and driving other customers nuts. Its just rude…..(I can’t even comment here. He obviously doesn’t have kids…sometimes you just gotta bring the kiddos along. AND everyone (with childcare experience) knows kids will be kids and you can’t always control them!)

9. PAY YOUR BILL ON TIME…..plain and simple. We dont want to hear about how you’ve been a customer for so long and that we “need” to cut you some slack. You’re an adult, be responsible and pay your bills on time. (Yeah, hmmm I would if I wasn’t OUT $1800 from the last 3 months of your bill SCREW UP and you claim the credit towards my account is still “IN PROCESSING.”)

10. When returning items, please return EVERYTHING. It clearly states on the receipt that all items need to be returned in “like new” condition with all original packaging. Also, make sure that you pay attention to the return period policy. If you are past it, even by one day, then deal with the fact that you didnt make time to come in and get things taken care of. (Oh, yeah. That’s SOOO all about the customer. See reply to #8 and the kids. Dude, sometimes you just can’t make it out.)

The list can go on and on from here……just remember that the person behind the desk is a consumer just like you. There is no need to take all of your frustrations out on them. We have guidelines that are put in place so that we protect ourselves and the company. Understand this and come in with a friendly attitude….this will get you further and the person behind the counter will be more willing to help you as much as they can.”  (Wow, I feel like he should take his own advice and apply it as a person who SERVICES the customer. It’s called service for a reason – it’s work done by one person (or group) that benefits another. So practice what you preach or get a new job you big baby!)